Just a daily dosage of the amazingness that is The Office.

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If someone gives you ten thousand to one on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an oscar, I’m going to be a very rich dude.



Darryl: This is the forklift. You need a licence to operate this machine. This means that the upstairs office workers can't drive it. Quiz. Mike. Should you drive the forklift?

Michael Scott: I can and I have--

Darryl: No, no, no, no. I said should you. You should not drive it. You should not drive the forklift.

Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I’m looking forward to. It’s an Amish technique. It’s like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.

Dwight Schrute

This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial.


Creed tells the story

Creed: I remember it was very late at night, like eleven, eleven-thirty. Big fella comes in, screaming about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car, something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels, then Schrute, grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter-

Angela: You're useless.

Office Romance

Jim Halpert: You stay here and have fun, 'cuz I'm gonna go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace.

Karen: [smiling] Okay. [Jim starts to walk away] Oh, um, don't mention that you and I are dating, 'cuz I think he might still have feelings for me.

Jim Halpert: Wallace? What the hell, have you dated like every guy here?

[Karen starts to laugh]

Jim Halpert: Wow. Okay. You got me.

Karen: I so got you.

Jim Halpert: So, none of them?

Karen: Of course not. I mean, you're, kind of like, my first.

Jim Halpert: Really?

Karen: Oh my God it's so easy it's not even fun.

Early worm

Michael Scott: Alright. Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the.. worm.

Jim Halpert: Another worm, like, are they friends?

Wikipedia. Is the best thing ever. Anyone, in the world, can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.

Michael Scott


Michael Scott: Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding, you're nervous.

Phyllis: Mmm that wasn't me.

Michael Scott: Okay. Um. I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is-- that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Ahh.. are you set on that hairstyle?


Kelly: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.

Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.

Kelly: I know but there was an emergency.

[cut to interview]

Kelly: I look really good in white.

I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.

Dwight Schrute

Love that Andy. Right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person a lil. Not super crazy just… just something about him that creeps me out. I can’t really explain it. He’s always up in my business. Which is ebonics for being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me. I don’t understand how someone could have so little self awareness.

Michael Scott

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jack hammer. Merciless. Insatiable.

Dwight Schrute


Oscar: We don't even have to have a party.

Michael Scott: No, hey. Hey, don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. The celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar specific--

Oscar: Michael...

Michael Scott: No, no not because you're gay. You're gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you, to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis I want you to go and find firecrackers and a Chihuahua.


Jim Halpert: After you sir.

Dwight Schrute: No thank you. I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.

Jim Halpert: Okay, well that still leaves a 30% chance that I'll attack you from the front.

Dwight Schrute: Uh, yeah but it'll be easier to stop. I can always block the blow, I can counter it.-- [Jim slaps Dwight, then walks away.]